Thursday 13 July 5:00pm

Being an Artist by inclination and temperament, I do not take any science subjects at school. Science is, from my experiences in my first years at secondary school, either very smelly or very messy or even both. Science, although it created Antiobiotics which you cannot take any more in case you become addicted and then catch a nasty disease when you are in hospital, also created the Atomic Bomb which is not a good thing for mankind because fall-out makes milk radioactive, which is very upsetting for cows, and even sheep, who probably thought they could go on safely grazing even unto Eternity.

But I am very worried about Mum, and Simon suggested I have a word with Miss Smith because Miss Smith knows everything about Human Biology especially Hormones.

So I waited outside the staff-room until Miss Smith emerged and introduced myself.

Miss Smith is a very beautiful lady, and I am not at all surprised that Simon enjoys dillying and dallying with her in grassy dells, but she is also very patient and very kind and I imagine she is a very good teacher in her own field or even dell.

She explained a lot about Hormones (even I have them!) and the Chemistry of the Body, and how Ladies are built differently to Men, which of course I had noticed, even though I am a Church Organist by profession. I told her a little bit about Mum, and why I was so worried, and then suddenly Miss Smith smote her brow and said: “Of course! It was your Mum who was in the paper this morning! You are that Barry!”

I smiled modestly. I do not begrudge Mum her five minutes of fame – it might, after all, help her recover from her hormonal afflictions – although sometimes I think it would be nice if people said “Oh look, there is Barry the Young Organist, but who is the Lady with him?”

I must look at the paper, but Mum is still in her room with it. Though at least she has stopped throwing things about.