Thursday 14 September 2:30pm

A major upheaval at school today, and we were sent home at lunchtime so that the staff could hold their start-of-term meeting in the Red Lion to sort it all out. It seems that everybody in the Fifth Form but me has opted to take Psychology, Media Studies and Sociology at A-Level and the teachers have protested at the size of their potential classes. There are 237 for Media Studies alone! When Miss Darling (Media Studies) saw the list she fainted and Mr Grudge (English Lang & Lit) had to hold a burning feather under her nose until she revived, the school medicine cabinet being locked and Matron, who has the only key, still recovering in that home for victims of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after the 3^rd Form girls locked her in the biology lab overnight with a lot of white mice on St David’s Day the year before last.

The whole Fifth Form has to assemble in Main Hall at 9:15 tomorrow morning to be addressed by the Headmaster, whom until today I had always assumed to be a figment of the Education Authority’s imagination, for nobody has ever been seen entering or exiting the luxurious penthouse suite on the top floor of our exclusive Parker-Morris-standard 1960s educational establishment.

It is all very exciting. Much, I imagine, as a PCC meeting must be.

I tried to see Simon to ask about my computer, but a sign on his door said ‘All Hope Abandon – This Means You’ so I went home and cooked myself some egg and bacon to keep me going until tea time, with a couple of sausages and a few tomatoes and some fried bread and then some healthy yoghurt (peach and raspberry) for dessert.

Do not know where mum is, so will now take opportunity to brush up on Raindrop Prelude and possibly read some Dostoevsky in preparation for tomorrow’s Assembly.