Monday 11 September 1:30pm

What was it that that the famous Scottish poet Robert the Burns said about the best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men ganging aft agley? Mum could have kept it to herself, but Mrs Ramsbotham was in the library as well so it is probably now all round the village. The good news is that I didn’t have to pay any fine at all for Goldfinger. The bad news is that the reason I don’t have to pay is that I appear to be still using Junior Library tickets.

I am writing a stiff letter to the County Library Superintendent complaining about lax administrative procedures in our local branch, and asking why, if he and his councillors are so worried about moral turpitude among young people, they allow them to borrow such steamy novels as Goldfinger on junior library tickets.

I do not consider Mrs Ramsbotham to be a good influence upon my mother. She asked mum to remember her to ‘dear little Barry.’ If Raskolnikov were not a fictional character I would be inclined to write to him to inquire whether he undertakes contract jobs.