Friday 1 September 9:30pm

Rabbits! I remembered to say it when I woke up to ensure good fortune in the coming month.

Mum says I am suffering from lassitude and ennui because my life has become purposeless, and she will be jolly glad when I go back to school. Mum always thinks she knows best, but all that is wrong with me is that I am bored. It was, I now think, a mistake to immerse myself in the pessimism of Russian novelists when I could in my imagination be fighting alligators in the Everglades with my hero, James Bond. What, I wonder, is a dry martini? It is the tipple of choice for 007. Perhaps he prefers a dry drink to a wet one lest yet another assassination attempt on his person cause him to spill it down his evening jacket, or tuxedo. I suspect I will soon find out, for when I asked mum she promised me one. “I’ll give you dry martini”, she said. “For heaven’s sake, go to bed and read your silly gung-ho books while I watch some improving programmes on the television.”