Thursday 31 August 2:35pm

Being a church organist by profession, and therefore dwelling in lofty spheres much of the time, I was unaware that in our village most shops celebrate Early Closing Day on a Thursday. Everything is ready for tonight’s meal apart from the ingredients. Only the Co-Op was open, and they do not sell fish unless it is in a tin. The queue of people who had also forgotten that it was early closing day stretched up the street to the Methodist chapel, and by the time it was my turn to be served all that was left on the shelves was a bag of peanuts and a tin of chopped tomatoes (with herbs and garlic), and a little old lady beat me to the peanuts by viciously prodding me with her umbrella. Even the great Rick Stein does not offer any useful recipes requiring solely a tin of chopped tomatoes (with herbs and garlic), a serious oversight on his part considering how much his books cost.