Wednesday 16 August

Evidently there has been a grave mistake, for I have received someone else’s GCSE results:

IT 0% – Fail.

English 32% - Fail.

Woodwork 77% - merit.

I have written a sharp letter to the Examinations Board asking them to check their bureaucratic procedures. I said I could understand how easy it was to make mistakes especially at this time of year when the sun is shining and everybody would rather be in Tenerife than matching exam results to names in a list, but for some people exam results were very important indeed such as for example school pupils. I think my letter struck exactly the right balance between politeness and irony, and I imagine it will amuse whoever it is that will immediately instigate a thorough inquiry. I think, on balance, that I had nothing to lose by discreetly mentioning that I have Friends in the Press.

Still nothing in the Daily Mail. I am beginning to feel like a victim, much as Raskolnikov must have felt. I have abandoned Goldfinger as being much too lightweight and hedonistic, but I am deriving much comfort from Dostoevsky. Do they have organs in monasteries? I much check when I next visit the library.