Thursday 21 September 5:30pm

I think Simon has given me a dud. I turned it on, just as Simon had explained, but just when a picture came onto the screen it went beep-beep-beep and a message came up saying “battery 10%.  Save your work and Exit.  Oh for heaven’s sake, come on, hurry up. You stoopid er sump’n?  Have a nice day.” then it went whirr-whirr and died while I was trying to work out what to do.

I’ve put it back in its bag and shoved it under the bed with my collection of things I hide from Mum, such as my diary and James Bond books. Mum is due any minute and it is my turn to microwave our dinner.